


Measure of Worth

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgardian Tony Stark, Canon Divergence - Thor (2011), Established Relationship, Fluffy Ending, Jotunn Feels, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, Protective Tony Stark, Racism, Rejection, Romantic Fluff, Self-Worth, Supportive Tony Stark, Thor (Marvel) Being an Idiot, Thor (Marvel) is Not a Good Bro, Tony Stark is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 11:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19250284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: After spending many months on Midgard proving himself worthy, Thor is finally returning home– and Loki knows that they will need to have a rather difficult conversation.





	Measure of Worth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roo2010](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roo2010/gifts).



> This one came about because **roo2010** left me a comment suggesting it would be quite fun to see this situation written out, and I most definitely agreed. I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> This can be read as a direct sequel to my fic [By Your Side](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18943429), which dealt with Loki finding out he was a Jötunn when he was already with Anthony.

Hliðskjálf was cold and hard beneath him, and Gungnir felt heavy in Loki’s grasp. He still felt like he was not deserving of the throne, but he knew his mother was right. He could feel the Odinforce in his veins, accepting of Asgard’s true king– at least so long as his father slept, and so long as Thor remained on Midgard.

That, of course, would not last much longer at all, for it was the day of Thor’s return. He had proven himself on Midgard, throwing himself in harm’s way to protect a gaggle of Midgardians he had come to care about during his tenure on their young planet. It had taken him several months and an unfortunate encounter with corrupt members of one of the mortals’ security agencies, but Thor had finally shown himself to be worthy and was on his way home.

Loki was glad for it, truly. Even though he _knew_ the throne was rightfully his, he felt like he didn’t belong. Were it not for the presence of Anthony by his side, Loki was sure he would have long since faltered, fallen to the belief that his true heritage made him a monster. He still felt like maybe he should see himself that way, in the moments when the memory of blue spreading over his arms cut through his mind like a poison.

There _had_ been moments of darkness, when he had considered lying to Thor, or treating Sif and the Warriors Three more harshly for their words of distrust, or even setting about to attack Jotunheim. After all, what better way to prove his own loyalty, to prove that his heart lay with Asgard than to destroy every other Frost Giant in the Nine?

But Anthony had held him firm, had wrapped Loki in his arms and promised that he was _loved_ , that he wasn’t the thing everyone would believe him to be, should they all find out what was hidden beneath the surface. When Anthony looked at him with such adoration it was difficult to see himself as a monster, even though he struggled to see a Frost Giant as anything but.

And it was Anthony’s presence beside him now that allowed him to hold his head high as Thor entered the throne room, his face split with a grin and Mjölnir held aloft. He was a little more demure than he would have been months earlier, and he bowed his head in thanks to those who greeted him rather than responding with only with boisterous jubilation. It gave Loki a little more hope, seeing that, knowing what it was that he would soon have to do.

Frigga met Thor at the bottom of the stairs once he had made his way through the amassed crowd, and kissed both of his cheeks. Loki didn’t hear the words exchanged, but he didn’t need to. He knew their mother would be saying how proud she was.

Loki stood from his seat as they broke from their embrace. He felt Anthony’s hand press briefly against the small of his back as he moved away, and the gesture relaxed Loki’s nerves as he ordered the room cleared.

Lady Sif’s expression twisted, but neither she nor any of the three warriors with her uttered a complaint as they turned from the hall, following after the Einherjar and other Aesir who had moved at a swifter pace following their king’s command. Not one of them protested his rule any longer.

Thor’s smile widened as he met Loki with a heavy hug at the bottom of the stairs, his arms so tight that it was difficult to breathe.

“It is good to see you, brother,” Thor said, his voice muffled in Loki’s hair. “I missed you.”

“And I you.” Loki held him close, trying not to wonder whether this would be the last time. He knew that Thor loved him, but… he also knew of Thor’s hatred for the Frost Giants. He couldn’t be certain how the following conversation would go.

Thor must have realised that something was wrong – unusually observant, compared to how he had always been in the past – for he pulled away and pinned Loki with a frown. “Is everything well, Loki?”

Loki glanced away, and stepped back from Thor entirely. “There are things that we should discuss,” he said, casting his gaze back up to meet Anthony’s. Anthony moved down the stairs immediately, and then Loki turned back to Thor. “Come. Let’s go somewhere more private.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Frigga asked gently. “Just in case?”

Loki was tempted by the offer, because their mother had always been more capable of tempering Thor’s anger than anyone else. But then he felt Anthony’s fingers entwine with his own, and he knew that he would be capable of facing this without her.

“We will be fine, mother,” Loki told her. “I’ll call for you, if you’re needed.”

She smiled, then, and reached up to touch Loki’s cheek. “I know you will be,” she said. Then she turned to hold Anthony’s gaze for a moment in silent request– and once Anthony had given a firm nod, she took a step back.

Loki led the way out of the hall with Anthony at his side. Thor trailed behind, his curiosity almost loud enough to hear.

They went to a small sitting room, comfortable and private. Loki left Gungnir leaning against the wall by the door, his fingers lingering for a moment, knowing it would be the last time he did so, for Thor would claim it at the conversation’s end whether it went well or not. Once Loki was seated on the couch Anthony sat directly beside him, their legs pressed together, and Loki was grateful. Thor made no mention of it – he was well aware of how close they were, after all – and sat opposite them, his brow now creased in a frown.

“What has happened?” he asked, his gaze flicking between them. He placed Mjölnir at his feet, not quite far enough away for Loki’s comfort.

“Nothing that changes anything,” Anthony answered, his voice stiff, cautious. He had assured Loki that very morning of his belief that things would go smoothly – and that even if they didn’t, Anthony would stay by Loki’s side regardless – but it was clear that he was not letting down his guard.

Thor was the first person Loki would tell, the first person after the pair of them who didn’t know already to find out. That would bring the total number of people aware of Loki’s secret up to five.

Loki knew that there was a risk in telling him, but Thor was now the rightful king of Asgard– and he was Loki’s _brother_ , regardless of blood. Loki would not keep this from him.

Unable to help himself and needing the anchor, Loki drew a deep breath and reached to the side to take Anthony’s hand. Then he met Thor’s gaze, and began what he knew would be one of the most difficult conversations of his long life.

“There is something that you must know, brother,” Loki said. “Something that happened the very day that you were banished. The day we went to Jotunheim.”

Thor waited, not seeming moved by the reminder.

“It may be difficult to hear,” Loki warned. “But I promise you, I remain your brother. I am loyal to Asgard, and I always will be. Mother and father already know, obviously, as does Anthony, and if they are able to stand by me regardless then…”

Loki paused to draw in a breath. Of course, he didn’t know whether his father approved of all he had done, as he still remained in Odinsleep. Loki had felt some measure of guilt over the length, but Frigga assured him that the time was merely due to the way he had put off the sleep for the preparation of Thor’s aborted coronation. Besides, he knew it truly did not matter whether he had made his father proud, for he knew that he had done well by the _realm_ , and that was all that he was concerned with.

“Brother,” Thor said as the pause grew, his voice low. “If someone hurt you that day, then they will face the fiercest retribution—”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” Loki said, his lips curving into half a smile for but a moment. “It is that I… am not who I always thought I was. When we were on Jotunheim, I—”

“That’s not true,” Anthony said, cutting in. Loki turned to stare at him in surprise, and Anthony winced. “Sorry, Loki, I know you wanted to do this without my input, but I can’t just… we’ve _talked_ about this.”

Loki sighed. “I know,” he said, and he squeezed Anthony’s hand with a grateful smile before turning back to Thor. “Anthony is right. I remain the same person, but we came to learn that I was not born Aesir.”

Thor’s eyes widened, and he drew in a sharp breath. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Surely that can’t be—”

“I assure you that I speak the truth,” Loki said. “I believe it is why I have always been different, why I never quite fit in. It is why I have always found it so easy to work with ice magic, as if it came naturally to me.”

“Loki,” Thor said, his voice now impossibly quiet– as if he had already understood what Loki was saying, but did not want to believe it. “If you are not Aesir, then… what are you?”

Loki wished that he could say it did not matter. He knew that Anthony was thinking it– he could feel the way his lover’s hand shook with it, with the desire to tell Thor that it _did not matter_ because Loki was still himself, regardless of where he had been born. But that was something Loki had yet to learn himself, because… he was a Jötunn.

So it _did_ matter, and Thor needed to know.

Loki drew a deep breath as he stood from the couch, closed his eyes, and focused. This was something he had practiced over the past months, first at Anthony’s urging and then through his own desire to never allow a challenge to remain unfinished. It was still hard to see the blue as the mark of anything other than a monster, but with soft touches and lingering kisses, Anthony had helped him see that there was nothing monstrous about the skin itself, because it was his _own_. All that mattered was what lay underneath, and that was something that only _he_ could control.

When he knew that he had successfully completed the transformation, Loki drew in a deep breath, and opened his eyes– only to see Thor on his feet, Mjölnir in hand as his expression fell into horror.

“Stop this illusion,” Thor said, his voice shaking. “Loki, _cease_ this at _once_.”

Loki could feel Anthony shifting behind him, but he spared his lover no glance. “Thor, there is no illusion,” he said softly. “This is what I look like. This is what I _am_.”

“No,” Thor said, lifting Mjölnir a little higher, his expression twisting. “My brother is not a monster. My _brother_ is not a _Frost Giant_.”

“You should have stopped while you were ahead,” Anthony snarled, jumping to his feet and standing protectively in front of Loki. “You were right the first time. He’s _not_ a monster.”

“How can you defend this?” Thor asked. “Anthony, you know what they are, how can you stand beside him when—”

“Because I love him,” Anthony snapped. “As you have claimed to do for his entire life. Did you lie for all these centuries?”

“I love my brother, Loki _Odinson_ ,” Thor said. “But a Frost Giant cannot be an Odinson!”

Loki felt the sting of the words as if Thor had plunged a dagger into his heart. He gasped and stumbled backward, his legs hitting against the couch. Anthony was snarling, and looked about to jump forward– but Loki curled a hand in the back of his shirt, knowing that – especially unarmed – Anthony would have no chance against Thor. But it looked as if Thor was going to strike regardless, taking half a step forward as he lifted Mjölnir higher, the static whisper of charging electricity skittering through the air—

Then Thor gasped in horror as Mjölnir suddenly _wrenched_ itself from his grip and fell to the ground with a clang.

For a moment, it was as if the room had come to a pause. All three stared at the hammer on the ground, as if it would move again– but it did not. It sat completely still, as if the magic had gone from it entirely… or perhaps as if there was no one in the room capable of lifting it.

But surely not. After all, Thor had only just proven himself worthy of it not long before. Surely Mjölnir would not abandon him again so soon?

Thor rubbed his hands together, as if the way Mjölnir had pulled away so suddenly had been violent enough to actually hurt. Then, with a frown creasing his brow, Thor bent down and took the handle of the hammer in hand. He went to straighten, but– the hammer would not move with him.

Thor’s frown deepened, and he tried again– but again to no avail. He adjusted his grip, he tried with both hands, he grunted, he _pulled_. He tried again and again and again, but every try gave only the same result, and soon what had happened became impossibly clear.

Mjölnir had deemed Thor to be _not_ _worthy_ , because he had not accepted who Loki was.

Logically, that must mean…

Loki felt like his heart was beating too fast, like his breath was coming too quick. Only minutes before he had been _afraid_ , but it was hard to be so now after watching Thor try in vain, beginning to curse under his breath as he pulled.

“ _Loki!_ ” Thor snarled, straightening to glare. “What have you done?”

“What have _I?”_ Loki asked. “Brother, it is you who has proven himself unworthy for the second time in a year.”

Thor snarled, as if he was refusing to believe it, and bent down to give his hammer another tug.

Anthony snorted. He was still standing in a protective position in front of Loki, but his shoulders were not shaking with rage.

“Why are you laughing?” Thor spat. “This is not _funny—_ ”

“Oh, but it is,” Anthony said. “Don’t you see what this _means?”_

Thor stopped trying to pull at Mjölnir then, and turned to take a step toward Anthony and Loki, his face red with anger and exertion.

Loki threw up a shield with his seiðr without needing to think about it. Anthony reached behind him and without even looking pulled a dagger from a sheath hidden at Loki’s hip, then brought it before him in a smooth movement that suggested far more practice than Loki knew Anthony had.

“Do not come another step closer,” Anthony said, brandishing the blade. “You’re lucky you’re not getting thrown in dungeons for insulting your _king.”_

That, of course, only made Thor darken further. “He is a Frost Giant, he cannot be king!”

“He’s more king than you,” Anthony snapped back. Using the distraction, Loki returned to his Aesir guise and created an illusion of himself to send for some guards, and it was only a moment later that they knocked on the door.

“Take Thor to Queen Frigga,” Loki ordered them. There was brief moment where the four Einherjar glanced between Loki and Thor, and Loki wondered, for a moment, whether he would need to repeat himself– but then—

“Yes, my king.”

Thor complained as they moved to take him away, but he did not fight. He continued to glare at them all and refused to let them hold his arm, shrugging off every attempt as he stalked toward the door.

Loki watched the door close behind them with a touch of sadness despite the realisation that the events had brought. Hopefully, Frigga would be able to talk some sense into Thor that Loki could not.

“I’m sorry, Loki.”

Loki turned to face Anthony with a shaky smile. “Not everyone can be as accepting as you,” he said. “Thor has always hated Frost Giants. I cannot blame him for it, it’s what we were always taught.”

“What will you do?” Anthony asked.

Loki knew what he was referring to– the Einherjar had seen the way that Thor was acting, and if Loki was to remain king – which the Odinforce seemed to believe he should, if the power that continued to course through his body was any indication – then he was going to need to give Thor a suitable consequence.

There would be little wisdom in sending him back to Midgard, as it was clear that was no longer much of a punishment for him. Nor was Thor mortal, as he had been before. No, Midgard was not the correct choice– but perhaps…

Loki felt his lips curve into a wicked grin.

“What is it?” Anthony asked curiously.

“Perhaps it is time we sent an envoy to Laufey,” Loki suggested. “After all, we brokered peace after our foolish attempt on Jotunheim, but amends were never truly made. Perhaps Thor would like to help them rebuild the damage he caused during his last visit? It is something I understand the mortals Thor has come to know so well use as a punishment– I believe they call it community service.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Anthony said, though his brow creased with a small frown. “Though I hope that spending time under their command will not sour him toward the Jötnar even more than before?”

“A few months on Midgard taught him that humans are worthy of his time,” Loki muttered. “Perhaps the same will happen on Jotunheim. And if not, then perhaps he will come to see that even though I am a Jötunn, I am still his _brother_.”

“If he doesn’t,” Anthony said, speaking as if his words were a matter of fact impossible to deny, “Then it shall be his loss.”

Loki smiled at that, and placed hands on Anthony’s waist to draw him in closer. “You truly do think so highly of me,” he whispered, not able to keep the awe from his tone despite having known it to be true for some time already.

“Mjölnir deemed _him_ unworthy,” Anthony said, sliding the stolen dagger back into place at Loki’s side before looping his arms over Loki’s shoulders, his smile bright. “Do you believe me now when I tell you that your skin does not change your worth?”

“I don’t need a hammer to tell me whether I’m a good person,” Loki said, though he knew that he didn’t quite manage the haughty expression he had been aiming for when he saw that Anthony’s expression had softened.

“No,” Anthony whispered. “No, you don’t.”

Their lips brushed slowly, chastely, sweetly, and then their eyes closed as their foreheads rested together, taking the quiet moment to calm their minds. It felt simple and perfect, and gave hope for what was to come.

Thor’s response had hurt, but perhaps in time he would come to see Loki as his brother again, come to see that nothing had changed– just as Anthony had helped Loki see the same.

Because he was _not_ a monster, and while he really hadn’t needed the hammer to see it, he was truly beginning to believe it.


End file.
